he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize