Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
