Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
