I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
