i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
