if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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