i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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