he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
