I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
