if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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