I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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