another moral hangover. fuck.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
