I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
