she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
