bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
