I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize