woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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