This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize