I want to stick my p in your. b.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize