I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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