Your face is a jimmy john
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Too much gin, very little bucket
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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