I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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