I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
