Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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