If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
