She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
