For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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