Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
