i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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