Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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