Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
