I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
