i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
