worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
