If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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