its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
