Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
