Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
