Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
