Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
