he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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