It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
