I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
