There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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