i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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