Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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