So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
