Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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