Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
