I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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