dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
