I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
