the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
