We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
