i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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