She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am spending my child support on dildos
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
