I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I want to make a zoo with you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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