I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
foreskin is a definite game changer
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
