I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You just made me feel so damn special
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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