i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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