can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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