everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
