That reminds me...we need to get swords
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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