bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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