She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
