he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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